


memories painted with much brighter ink

by peppermintyero



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/M, M/M, a history of winn's romantic exploits, mentioned abuse and suicide attempts, winn is not happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-06
Updated: 2016-11-06
Packaged: 2018-08-29 07:42:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8481256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peppermintyero/pseuds/peppermintyero
Summary: Winn advocates against love yet he has so much of it to give.





	

**Author's Note:**

> i like my faves being sad also listen to 'when' by dodie clark bc i need inspiration from sad songs.  
> and as usually i can't be fucking bothered downloading grammarly or some shit to actually check if this makes anything sense but i gotta live life on the edge.

 

 

> I think I've been telling lies,   
>  _cause I've never been in love._  
>  _Everyone falls for the sunshine disguise,_ _distracted by who they're thinking of._

Her name is Courtney.

She plays the clarinet in jazz band and her parents moved to National City from Thailand when she was five.

Sometimes she’ll tell Winn that he’s really good at piano and he’ll blush.

Courtney is sweet and tall and funny and three weeks older than him.

Then, four weeks before Winn’s 12th birthday his father is sent to jail and on the day after Courtney’s birthday his mother tries to kill herself by stepping off the roof of their house while the two of them play Monopoly in the bedroom.

Courtney's father ushers her into the car, covering his daughter's eyes as they load Winn's mom into an ambulance.

He finds out at school that her parents don't want her talking to him anymore.

Winn stops playing piano.

Courtney keeps playing the clarinet until her senior year and gets a scholarship to Juilliard.

 

>   
>  I'd rather date an idea;  
>  something I'll never find.  
>  Sure, I'll live in the moment,  
>  but I'm never happy here  
>  I'm surrounded by greener looking time.

__

His name is Kurt Millers.

He knows who Winn is and what his family has done and makes fun of him nearly every day through middle school.

Understandably.

Winn is this weird, nerdy foster kid who spends hours in the art rooms, sketching out superheros that he wishes he could be.

A teacher calls Winn a freak during class and he runs out of the room.

He gets stuck in detention for skipping class and Kurt is there too.

He looks at Winn’s pictures, nods and says,

_"You’re pretty good at drawing and shit, Winn.”_

And Winn just replies with a quiet, “Thanks.”

Kurt never uses his name again. Just Toy-Boy and Faggot and Stupid Fuck.

But Winn notices that he starts reading comic books and that matters.

 

 

> Am I the only one  
>  wishing life away?  
>  Never caught up in the moment  
>  busy begging the past to stay  
>  Memories painted with much brighter ink;  
>  they tell me I loved, teach me how to think.

Her name is Monica Levi and Winn hates her.

She’s rude and mean and threw his copy of The Bad Beginning into a puddle and calls him a psycho.

She’s so much worse than Kurt was and he hates her.

At senior prom Winn watches as her boyfriend hits her in the carpark and then kiss her neck.

He votes for her from prom queen.

She doesn’t win.

Winn doesn’t _hate_ Monica Levi.

He hates the idea of her.

Monica and her boyfriend get married two years after graduation.

Winn doesn’t go to the wedding but keeps the invitation.

 

> I'll take what I can get  
>  cause I'm too damp for a spark.  
>  Kissing sickly sweet guys  
>  cause they say they like my eyes  
>  but I'd only ever see them in the dark.

Winn doesn’t know his name.

He’s a friend of his roommate and they kiss, sloppily and drunk in the kitchen at a party while loud music plays upstairs.

He pets Winn’s hair and calls him pretty and Winn almost believes him.

They fuck on his couch.

It hurts and they don’t use protection.

The next morning Winn notices blood in the shower water.

His closes his eyes and let’s himself feel pretty again for a little.

There's a rare moment of quiet in the building and Winn washes his hair.

Then he turns off the water and forgets.

 

> I'm sick of faking diary entries,  
>  got to get it in my head; I'll never be sixteen again  
>  I'm waiting to live, and waiting to love  
>  oh it'll be over, and I'll still be asking when.

Her name is Kara Danvers.

Sometimes Winn imagines what his life would be like if they never met.

If she hadn’t bumped into him at CatCo.

If she hadn’t got the job.

Would he be happier?

Would she?

When they kiss Winn doesn’t feel loved.

He feels scared and dirty and ugly.

Sometimes Winn imagines what his life would be like if his father hadn’t kidnapped him that night.

What would have Winn done?

 

> I'm sick of faking diary entries,  
>  got to get it in my head; I'll never be sixteen again  
>  I'm waiting to live, still waiting to love  
>  oh it'll be over, and I'll still be asking when  
>  oh it'll be over, and I'll still be asking
> 
> _ w h e n _

He spends most of his nights at the DEO.

J’onn never questions it and he knows than Alex secretly likes the company.

When Mon-El asks about Earth’s strange customs he’s also willingly to help.

Winn learns that Daxamites find a partner and usually stay with them for life.

Mon-El asks Winn if he’s found his mate.

If he has a permanent romantic partner.

“No, definitely not. The whole dating scene isn’t for me.”

_“So, you’re happy being alone?”_

“Of course I’m not. But you get used to it.”


End file.
